How to make mum friends (that you actually want to hang out with)

Nov 15

As an adult, it can be pretty scary to meet new people, particularly as a sleep deprived new mum with a baby that shrieks constantly (maybe that was just O). But be brave! There are loads of ways to get yourself out there and meet other new parents.

I’ve moved city from Dublin to London to San Francisco and back to Dublin again. I’ve learned that moving to a new city (or back to an old one) can be an incredibly isolating experience. After my husband went back to work, I realised that maternity leave was pretty similar. O is a superstar, but at 11 months his conversation skills are still somewhat lacking, so I thought I’d share what worked for me.

#1 Go To Where The People Are

It is surprisingly hard to make new friends when you are hidden in your living room. I found that going to scheduled events like classes, workshops and baby friendly gym sessions were the best way to meet people that I actually wanted to see again.

Join a gym.

Gyms with scheduled parent and baby classes are great for seeing the same people regularly, this reduces the pressure of having to become best friends with someone the first time you meet them. I went to both mum & baby pilates and Buggy Fitness classes in Dublin. I enjoyed them most when I started at the beginning of a term to learn new skills with a group.

Do a class.

There are so many classes out there including baby massage, swimming, sensory, messy play, claphandies etc. It’s a great opportunity to learn a new skill with your little one too. I didn’t connect with everyone there, and O roared through the class every week, but through pure luck I met one of my best mum friends through Baby Massage.

Go to a play-centre.

They may be hotbeds of childhood illnesses (hand, foot and mouth disease anyone?) but it's almost impossible not to strike up a conversation with other parents while your kids are bashing things. Check out my reviews of the Frascati Centre soft play area and the High 5 play-centre in Blackrock.

Mum Talks.

If you’re in Dublin, check out Mum Talks, it’s a monthly meet–ups for women looking to feel inspired, learn something new and make new friends. Babies are welcome too!

Join a club.

Do you have a hobby or want to take up a new one? There are clubs for everything and many offer introductory classes. So many places are baby friendly if you just ask!

Free stuff.

Set up an alert for free events, I check out Eventbrite each week for free talks and workshops that have been added. Most libraries also run a free parent and baby class each week.

Just say yes.

Putting yourself out there is tiring, but try to say yes to invites, particularly if it’s an event or connection with friends of friends. We naturally expand our social circles through people we know, so this can feel a lot less daunting than chatting with total strangers.

Remember, if you meet people doing things that you enjoy, you’ll have something in common from the start!

#2 Talk To People

At every event/soft-play area I go to, I see people sitting alone on their phones, glancing up nervously. This might sound obvious, but if you want to connect with people, you need to actually talk to them. Since I’ve had my little boy, I have had so many random chats with strangers of all ages in lifts, grocery queues, carparks, at the soft-play area, even just walking down the street!

The responses to a neutral starter question like “are you here for X?”, or “what age is he/she?” can get you a long way towards knowing if you’re going to get along. I knew I was among friends when the mums at my Baby Massage class admitted they were just making it up as they went along too!

Remember, no pressure – this is just like the playground. We don’t all get along with every person we meet. Enjoy the process of meeting people and learning about them.

#3 Swap Contact Details

Be brave, ask for their number and suggest meeting up again. Most people are happy to expand their social circles. In San Francisco, when I was dual purpose friend finding/networking I had business cards printed up with my contact details on them. They just had my name, phone number and email address. It’s much easier to hand them over than faffing about awkwardly trying to spell (or remember!) someone’s name as you put it into your phone.

Remember, if you don’t ask for their details, chances are that you will never see them again. If you do ask, at least you have a choice!

#4 Arrange To Meet (and Keep The Arrangement)

Go for it. If you meet someone you get click with, set a date to catch up again. That will ensure you don’t both walk out of the room and forget to keep in touch.

If you’re anything like me, when the day arrives, you’ll spend ages debating chickening out and staying home. Don’t, because 1. Put yourself in their shoes, would you like to be ditched? and 2. A potentially awkward hour or two is totally worth it for a new friend or opportunity!

Remember, be sensible when meeting strangers, choose somewhere public and tell someone where you are going and when you expect to be back. Nice strangers are still strangers!

#5 Relax

Relax. Building a network is hard work. Not every activity has to be a friend finding mission, remain optimistic and you’ll meet people when you least expect it.